| By Tara Shekouri |
Perfectionism is the relentless strive for flawlessness. Often times, a perfectionist is extremely critical of themselves and may define their own self-worth based on quantitative achievements and performance. Although setting high standards for oneself does spark motivation and a solid work ethic, it can be quite harmful and cause anxiety, self-loathing, depression, etc. Furthermore, it can form a barrier to personal growth as it places emphasis on the end result rather than the learning process—thereby meaning one may avoid taking risks, trying new things, or learning from mistakes. But how does perfectionism even surface? What drives this constant need to be flawless?
Perfectionism can stem from multiple different places, but a key one tracks back to early childhood, social, and cultural influences. For instance, children raised in a household in which their parents/guardians set them high expectations internalize these standards and feel that to gain approval from their parents, they must reach a certain level of achievement. Furthermore, constantly being criticized can lead to one striving for perfectionism as a way to feel validated and accepted. Similarly, certain societal and cultural norms that associate self-worth with success by painting a narrow image of how it should appear, and it is often characterized by material objects such as school degrees and wealth.
Moving toward a mindset where one can break free from the idea of “perfect” implies exploring intention and motives. Self-worth should not be defined by one’s appearance, material gains, recognition or social status, or achievements (which may involve education or one’s career). This is because these are typically external, sometimes unstable, or temporary, and could be beyond one's control. When one ties their value to such things, they become vulnerable to defining themselves by uncertainty and rely on external validation—resulting in anxiety, insecurities, among other complications. Ways to move toward embodying growth instead, includes adopting mindfulness through journaling or meditation, involving oneself in the right communities, and embracing insecurities and difference.
Thus, perfectionism can have a clear toll on one’s life, and it is necessary to shift toward prioritizing one’s personal growth and development rather than measuring perfection through external factors. Whether this mean adopting mindfulness or engaging in communities that being out the best in someone, moving away from this notion of “perfect” can open the door to a deeper self-acceptance, emotional resilience, and a more uplifting way of life.
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